Late at night, after everyone goes to bed, I steal kiddo's homework and poke it in strange places, and while I'm at it I go through her dresser and remove all her pants with elastic waists forcing her to wear jeans. Then, I take one of her shoes and drop it in the middle of the steps before throwing its mate in the downstairs living room, behind the futon.
Occasionally when I have time, I scatter her drawings on the kitchen floor and walk over them a few times to get them all dirty. Then after kicking them around for a few minutes, I crumple them into tight balls and throw them up on top of the curtain rods. When I'm super bored, I take her permission slips and slather them in peanut butter before placing them in the dog's bowl. If Tina doesn't make a complete meal out of the really hard math sheets, I bury them deep in the recycling bin, right next to husband's financial spread sheet, all the household bills and wads of $1000 bills.
AND THEN, I make her go to school while Grandma is visiting!
I do this because I want to ruin her life and make her stay in school during recess.
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The sign of a good mother.
ReplyDeleteLOL, That is the job you signed up for right?
ReplyDeleteBut...isn't that what we parents are supposed to do? Nice.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Need more torture tips?
ReplyDeleteLOL! I knew it!
ReplyDeleteSo, are you saying she blames you for all her problems, or am I missing something? If she's blaming you... I can totally relate! My kids still blame me for everything and they're grown.
ReplyDeleteThank god I finally know whose fault it is!!
ReplyDeleteI so remember being this kid :) I sympathise with you though!
ReplyDeleteLx
She can always get therapy when she grows up.
ReplyDeleteGood job.
ReplyDeleteObviously this is what every mother does to her daughter! Don't you know? Remember, they come back to normal around 18. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAva
Haha! Of *course* you do! :)
ReplyDeleteYah, me too. I've done worse. I make them grumpy as I can so they have 'meltdowns' at school. Even if I'm at the other end of the country and don't even know the other parties involved - it's still my fault. That is simply the way it is. I'm ruining my second batch. The first is done.
ReplyDeleteJan Morrison
Being a mother is sometimes a thankless job. Just wait until she's older. :) The payoffs are huge when they admit that "mom was right".
ReplyDeleteI just LOVE how everything is my fault... makes me wish that I was secretly hiding her stuff and messing it all up. Would love more torture tips, so I can keep her on her toes
ReplyDelete