Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Its all my fault!

Late at night, after everyone goes to bed, I steal kiddo's homework and poke it in strange places, and while I'm at it I go through her dresser and remove all her pants with elastic waists forcing her to wear jeans. Then, I take one of her shoes and drop it in the middle of the steps before throwing its mate in the downstairs living room, behind the futon.

Occasionally when I have time, I scatter her drawings on the kitchen floor and walk over them a few times to get them all dirty. Then after kicking them around for a few minutes, I crumple them into tight balls and throw them up on top of the curtain rods. When I'm super bored, I take her permission slips and slather them in peanut butter before placing them in the dog's bowl. If Tina doesn't make a complete meal out of the really hard math sheets, I bury them deep in the recycling bin, right next to husband's financial spread sheet, all the household bills and wads of $1000 bills.

AND THEN, I make her go to school while Grandma is visiting!

I do this because I want to ruin her life and make her stay in school during recess.

16 comments:

  1. LOL, That is the job you signed up for right?

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  2. But...isn't that what we parents are supposed to do? Nice.

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  3. Good for you! Need more torture tips?

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  4. So, are you saying she blames you for all her problems, or am I missing something? If she's blaming you... I can totally relate! My kids still blame me for everything and they're grown.

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  5. Thank god I finally know whose fault it is!!

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  6. I so remember being this kid :) I sympathise with you though!
    Lx

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  7. She can always get therapy when she grows up.

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  8. Obviously this is what every mother does to her daughter! Don't you know? Remember, they come back to normal around 18. Hang in there!
    Ava

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  9. Yah, me too. I've done worse. I make them grumpy as I can so they have 'meltdowns' at school. Even if I'm at the other end of the country and don't even know the other parties involved - it's still my fault. That is simply the way it is. I'm ruining my second batch. The first is done.
    Jan Morrison

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  10. Being a mother is sometimes a thankless job. Just wait until she's older. :) The payoffs are huge when they admit that "mom was right".

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  11. I just LOVE how everything is my fault... makes me wish that I was secretly hiding her stuff and messing it all up. Would love more torture tips, so I can keep her on her toes

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