Thursday, April 29, 2010

How to read my thoughts

After 32 years, it finally occurred to me not everyone gets what I’m thinking! I spend a lot of time in my own head and I’m always surprised when people look at me funny like they don't know where I'm coming from.

So, here's a little help with how to read my thoughts:

1. Silence: If I’m quiet, I'm thinking about something to say. I often think things and just forget to say them out loud, or I think I said them out loud and you are too stunned to answer me, there is always a great monologue going on up there.

2. Eye twitch. You're talking about something that makes me somewhat uncomfortable. By somewhat I mean VERY. You can stop.

3. Shooting lasers with my eyes. You have to be paying attention to catch this, it looks very similar to rolling my eyes, just more animated, I want to hurt you. Stop doing whatever it is you're doing before the laser beams get you.

4. Look of disbelief. This is “I can’t believe I'm hearing what I'm hearing right now”, probably means I'm ticked, and if you continue to talk I'm going to start shooting daggers. Could also mean I think you are making this shit up.

5. Walk away. This means, the conversation sucks and I'm done listening. Or I had to go to the bathroom. You chose.

6. Come here. Can only mean one of two things, I have a brilliant idea or you've done something not so right. Either way, it's probably your fault for saying the idea during the conversation in my head aka silence.

7. Listening. We're getting somewhere, keep talking.

8. The look away. Any second now I'm going to start talking over you. Think about what you're saying and choose your carefully, I'm about to butt in. OR if its a very quick look away and look back, our evil plot is about to be foiled and I'm checking for listeners.

9. The snicker. HaHa you're funny. If this is accompanied with me tapping my fingers together ala Mr Burns, there is a scheme hatching upstairs so one of us is about to get into trouble.

10. Sleeping. Most of the best conversations happen when I'm asleep, but they are usually the most foolhardy. If I ever mutter the phrase "I had the best idea while I was sleeping". RUN


  1. That is a cute list. I'd like to learn to shoot lasers or actual bullets with my eyes too.

  2. Can I just print this and hand it out to every single person I have to deal with on a daily basis? Cos I think you summed it up perfectly!

  3. I think we might be twins separated at birth... I especially liked the "walk away" one... and I have a lot of conversations inside my head without ever realizing they aren't actually going on.