they're not supposed to be funny....

Last night we're all in watching tv, the fire place is on, the dog is snoring in the corner.  At the exact moment the movie quiets:

PPPPPPFFFFHHHHTTT

Like a single note from kiddo's trumpet.

PPPPPPFFFFHHHHTTT

The dog springs up, woof! woof! She's ready to defend us from the noise.  It hits her, she stops, sniffs the air, reaches her head around and smells her own butt.  Satisfied she has located the source of the loud noise, she circles around her bed and settles back down.  Never mind the scent.

Gagging, and crawling toward the other side of the room, waving her hand violently to get the stinky air away form her face, kiddo pipes up "Ugh, Tina you couldn't even leave the room!  Mom, she smelled her own arse!  Why would she do that?!  Ugh dog what did you eat?!"

I was laughing so hard, it wasn't until hours later I was reliving the moment (sans scent) that I realized, kiddo said the word "arse" and I didn't correct her.

I know - farts aren't supposed to be funny, except they are.  They're hysterical, especially when your dog does it so loud it wakes her up!

PPPPPPFFFFHHHHTTT

Now I just have to decide if I'm okay with 13 year old kiddo using the word arse.

What is the horrid noise?!?!

So we're flying home today! Kiddo is filled with excitement, bags are packed and piled up in the living room. Last night/early this morning, I finally got excited kiddo to sleep. Husband had a few beers and passed out hours before. The dogs just came in from doing her pee and doors are locked.

The bags are packed, the house is clean and husband's to do list is written and I am past tired. I wash my face, brush my teeth and turn out the light. I have a pillow creating a wall between me and husband, because he's had a few beers and might roll over when he subconsciously realizes I'm in the bed and the beers make him handsy, and I'm snuggled down in the bed all comfortable, I just have to close my eyes and I'll fall asleep. And then.....


SLUUURRPP.

SLUUURRPP.

What the hell? Hello? It’s loud and its gross. Possibly the worst sound in the world, definitely the worst sound in my bedroom late at night/early morning when I want to sleep.

SLUUURRPP Its the slurping sound of my dog licking of her arse.

I give the dog a little nudge with my toes and everything is silent. For about two seconds.

SLUUURRPP

She starts again. So I hop out of bed, remove the dog from the foot of my bed, and carry her out to the living room and deposit her in her doggy bed. Taking care not to trip over the luggage bags I pound my way back to my room, climb back into the bed and re-adjust the pillow wall and snuggle back down.

SLUUURRPP

SLUUURRPP

I forgot to close the bedroom door! I swear the dog hates me.

Only 3 more hours until my flight!!