Good luck? I think NOT

Its a beautiful, crisp, cool morning during a  very busy work week.  Layered in running gear, music blaring, birds chirping, hand freezing, I head off for a quick jog before work.  Panting, humming along with the music and wishing everyone I see a good morning, I failed to notice a little something....crap!

Literally dog crap!  Right in the middle of the boardwalk.

Completely absorbed in my breathing, I failed to notice the land mine and was maybe 5 feet from the "drop spot" when I began to notice the stench that seemed to be following me.  My bright white sneaker tainted brown, and the wooden boardwalk lined with my mud colored foot prints.  What a great start to the day.

The people who say stepping in dog poop is good luck, have obviously never stepped in it! 

How to annoy me... TV edition

It appears that I am developing a slight TV addiction. With any addiction there are the side effects (PVRing the new episodes to make sure you don't miss anything, potato chips crumbs in the couch, chores going undone in the house, arse widening exponentially), but the most annoying is the hours are hours of commercials!

Now don't get me wrong, once every few years a good commercial will come along that makes you smile, even laugh, but the majority of them are just wrong!

Example #1: The cleaning product commercial - who wears beige capri pants, full make up and a string of pearls to clean? The second I come home from work I pull on a ratty oversize t-shirt and a pair of pj pants!

Example #2: The feminine hygiene commercial - girls flouncing about on white sandy beaches in flowing white dress, without a care in the world? Seriously! A girl curled up the fetal position clutching a bottle of midol is more like it!

What do you think? Either commercial really grinding your gears?

*NOTE: my TV addiction is not really that bad... I only PVR The River, Survivor and The Big Bang Theory...

6 things that I'm sick of RIGHT at this second

6 things that I am sick of at this VERY SECOND...

1. Justin Bieber (enough said)

2. Winter. Cold things. Ice. Also, falling on my arse because of the ice and spraining my ankle. ouch damn ice, ouch I say

3. Seeing Easter displays in JANUARY. Can we get past Valentine’s Day first, please?

4. That there is still not a way of doing nothing and losing weight.

5. Boredom. I am bored, bored, bored. This could also loop back to #2 and the fact that I fell nearly 2 weeks ago and I'm still bruised.

6. Over sharing on Facebook. Seriously, do I need to know that you're n the bathroom agian?!

Humor me, what are you sick of right now?

How to annoy me...

Make the offer conditional on sale of your own house, and the closing date over 2 months away!

20 Questions with a Cashier

I know, I know.. bad BAD baygirl! This whole moving this is a pain in the arse (I would say a good pain, but honestly is there a such thing as a good pain in the arse? Mind you there are people into some freaky stuff...)

Anyway, husband and I are getting the house ready to be listed, and the chore list seems to be never ending, the roof needed new shingles after that nasty wind storm a few months ago, the shower needed to be re-grouted, the baseboards needed to be painted and replaced, the ceilings needed to be painted, the garage cleaned, the gardens weeded, the carpets shampooed, and all that painting... ugh

For each "little" task we complete comes another trip to the do-it-yourself store, and a round of 20 questions with the cashier...

{insert cute cheery tone here} “Hi…do you have one of our new INCENTIVE cards yet? It will only take a minute to sign you up, so you can start receiving special discounts; which includes 2.5% off anything you purchase today. It will also entitle you to free gifts and good karma throughout the entire year.”

"It will only take a second….ready?"

1) Name?
2) Mailing address?
3) Email?
4) Home phone?
5) Work phone?
6) Cell phone?
7) Fax number?
8) Social insurance number?
9) Banking PIN number?
10) Blood type?
11) Can you say the alphabet backwards while standing on your head?
12) Would you like us to send you samples in the mail?
13) When would be the best time to call and inconvenience you?
14) Do you collect frequent flyer miles?
15) Do you own or rent your home?
16) Who would you like to be in your next life?
17) How much money do you make?
18) What size shoe do you wear?
19) Would you also be interested in opening a store credit card with a 0% interest rate for the year; after which will only be increased to 49.8%?
20) And finally...have you ever wanted to slap someone?"

Note to self: if I ever get married a second time, pick someone handy or rich so I don't have to do this fix-up stuff again.

The real estate agent comes tomorrow, I'm hoping for a quick sale!

How to annoy me - coffee time

Yesterday, 10:30am, in a Starbucks on Yonge Street, on the way back to my hotel room after the most important, super crazy OSCE of my life. (Ok it wasn't crazy, I actually feel pretty good about it, but it was scary as hell, and I have to wait 2 weeks for my results.)

I stood waiting behind a woman who was preparing her drink, or should I say…science experiment. She was carefully measuring, stirring, eyeing, weighing and concocting her coffee… you’d swear one wrong move and the damn thing would explode in her hand.

She would grab two little pink sugar packets a time between her index finger and thumb, and start shaking them to get all the sugar to move to the bottom of the packet then she would flick them with her other hand.

Shake, shake, shake…flick, flick, flick…shake, shake, shake,…flick, flick, flick

I watched her add SIX packet’s to a 8 oz. cup of coffee. Sipping the coffee between each packet to be sure that it was *perfect*.

Then came the milk.... she had to examine each container before opening it to sniff it be make sure it wasn't "off". As she started to pour the milk little by little into her cup, she began the tasting sequence again.

Then came the sprinkle of chocolate shavings....

By the time she shimmied out of the way, my Americano was nearly cold.

I was only waiting for a lid!


- Perhaps its just me, but if I'm going to Starbucks, I want to be able to at least TASTE the coffee! Anyone else drink their coffee black?

this round goes to husband...

Husband has a strange affinity for ju jubes. This scene takes place last night, I'm sprawled out on the upstairs couch studying for tommorrow's OSCE, when he wanders into the room carrying a bulk barn bag...

Husband: what colour

Me: orange, no green, maybe one of each.. just surprise me. (he passes me a handful) (me chomping on a red) ugh, fishies are WAY better

Husband: nope, swedish fish suck. Jubes are cheaper, and they're rubbery so you have to chew them more which means they last longer, and they're big, so you can only eat them one at a time, and..

Me: exactly, they're rubbery, do you have any idea how many filling I got?

Husband: that’s because you’re defective

I'm blowing raspberries...

To the nasty _________ who cut in front of me in the Starbucks lineup today:

I would have planted one of my Nikes square in your behind had there not been so many eye witnesses. If you hadn't been so evily rude, I still would have wanted to kick you in the jeans because you got the last cranberry bliss bar, and because its EXAM WEEK and I am ready to pull me hair out from the stress, and because the next Starbucks is not on the way home, and a peppermint mocha is just not the same without one.

So there. pppfffttt (or whatever that noise is when I stick out my tongue)

Fall of the socks

The cool breeze. The changing colors of the leaves. The angry skies. The smell of burning wood in fireplaces. Flannel sheets tucked warmly on the bed. Daylight Savings Time cussed about in line at the coffee shop. Teen aged girls are fully covered, wearing sweater and furry boots. The smells. Starbucks peppermint mocha is back for a 'limited time'. I think I like fall.

Except for the socks!

During the summer husband wears sandals (without socks of course, I already won that battle) and during the fall makes the transition to socks and shoes, but not one pair of socks, no. Husband wears two pairs of socks during the winter... Which means, not only more laundry, but more for me to pick up.

When husband arrives home from work, he sheds the first pair of socks. These usually land on his side of the bed, the foot of the bed or on top of the laundry hamper. Never IN the laundry hamper. The second pair of socks linger on his feet a little longer, they make it through supper and coffee, but depart during TV time. This second pair of socks almost faithfully land on the corner of the couch.




So apart from the dirty stinky socks all over my house, I like fall. UGH.

I don't wanna

My sister graduated last week, and has left Ontario to go back to Newfoundland (lucky shite) which means that everything she had sitting in her apartment for the past two years piled itself into a u-haul truck and is not sitting in my garage!

So, what do I do about it? I decide to take the day off school... BUT I can't bring myself to out into the garage and deal with it. Looks like something you'd see on hoarders out there.

Think I'll turn on the TV and watch some soaps instead.

Dear Victoria's Secret Angel, you let me down...

One of my younger sisters is graduating from her dental hygeine program today, so this past weekend her and my mudder came to visit, which of course meant shopping. Little sis needed a dress, and as much as I HATE shopping off we went. We hit every store in the Niagara region, and finally found the right one. Then she announced she need to get a bra to wear under the dress.

"Bra Shopping” is one of the worst phrases you can utter in my direction. Substitute, “purse,” or “shoes,” or even “sex toys,” and I'll go with, but the word bra sends shivers up my spine. When I'm trying on a bra, every bra nightmare I've ever had comes sling-shotting back at my self-esteem as if loaded and launched from a 44DDD. The cups overflowing, the wires digging into my sides, the strap marks in my shoulders, the rolls of flubber hanging around my middle, the flourescent lights, the lady with her measureing tape, and the calling out of my not so small size across the store. I shudder now!

Mudder and sister busied themselves looking for little air pocket filled, chicken cultett inserted cutsie bras while I wandered the midevil boulder holder collection for the "larger" busted like myself. Finally my arms were loaded and I stomped into the dressing room, expecting the worst, and got it. Kiddo mudder and sister found the 'perfect' lacey strapless push up, and had the pleasure of waiting outside my changerom closet door, listening to the curses muttered by my trucker mouth.

One sales lady, six trips and 25 bras later I came home with one slightly less then ugly bra in a size I thought was a swear word. Dear Victoria’s Secret Angel where were you when I needed you!

October is breast cancer awareness month, so ladies take the girls out of their cages and give them a squeeze! Or follow this link for more info on Breast Self Exams

Have you seen my mug?

Husband loves him some coffee. Like me, he can’t start the day without his happy juice, and a lot of it. Which is why we had a collection of travel mugs. (note I said HAD). The travel mug collection had everything from heavy duty thermoses, to recycled corn mugs, to stainless steel flasks to plastic drop a picture in mugs, and the best part about them, they kept the coffee hot. For some reason, husband can’t hold on to those travel mugs to save his life. At one point, not so long ago, there were eleven travel mugs in my house, 11! Now only one remains, MINE.

I know its mine, because I pick favorites. My one remaining travel mug is a blue recycled corn plastic, that has a warning on the bottom not to place in the dishwasher, that I didn't see until it came out of the dishwasher and is now slightly deformed because of the heat and you have to jam the lid on at a peculiar angle to get it to close, but its super light weight, and it still works, and I like the oddity of its shape, and husband will not touch it because I 'ruined it'.

Since husband won’t be able to function, can’t live without, absolutely needs his morning coffee and lacks the travel mugs normal people have, he just pours his coffee in a regular mug and takes that in the car. Then, of course, he forgets to bring mug back into the house and we end up with a collection of 3 or 4 mugs rolling around on the floor of the car. (or he takes them with him into his office, where they visit all our missing sandwich containers and are never seen again)

Think tomorrow as I drive him to work, I might hit a big bump. Maybe it will jar his memory and he'll be able to recall the location of just one of the ten missing travel mugs, or he'll break down and buy a new one.

What's with all the plastic?

For some reason, husband never carries cash. If we're out he'll give me this 'Dawn can you get this' look, which is fine, provided he hasn't raided my change purse and kiddo forgot to make her bed and therefore hasn't earned her allowance. Any given day of the week I can open his wallet to find a multitude of receipts for under two bucks.

Today on the way home from school/work, we pulled into the mall, I ran into Marks Work Warehouse to buy a new pair of scrub pants and he ran into Bulk Barn to get some salt. Husband got distracted, or lost his list, I'm not sure which and ended up with a bag full of assorted candies but no salt. SO we ducked in, grabbed a salt and headed to the cash.

The salt came to a whopping $1.73. We could probably find $1.73 just looking under the cushions of our couch, or in the car's ashtray. BUT, he never has cash. So he whipped out the credit card and I cringed. I rooted around in my purse and pulled out a toonie, which husband insisted he didn’t need. ”It’s faster just use my card!”

Baygirl VS the Universe

When you wake up and discover that you hit snooze one too many times, and there is no soy milk for your cereal, its a sign the Universe is telling you to crawl back in bed. But since I listen to the Universe about as well as I listen to husband I gave the Universe the finger and went on about my day. (I'm harcore that way.)

You know what happens when you give the Universe the bird? It finger flicks you right back in the forehead, 10 times harder!


An 8:00 parent/teacher meeting on a Monday morning to discuss kiddo's IEP means I could only hit snooze button twice. Stagger out to the kitchen to start the coffee perk, and there is only decaf (how did that happen).

With sleep caked in my eyes I turn on the shower and accidentally grab the body wash instead of shampoo. (my hair smells great, but looks like it wasn't washed in a month)

Open up the back door to discover that high winds have blown an entire side of my fence into the neighbor's yard. (waiting on the contractor now)

Construction on the roads downtown, meant I needed to take a crazy detour on the way to drive husband off at work. (where is my coffee?)

Get home and realize that I forgot to put the dog out, and there is a fresh puddle by the door!

Its not even 10 am yet! I can't wait to see what the rest of the day brings me; class this afternoon and clinic until 8pm, with a crazy hard pathophysiology test tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry Universe, you win. (I take back my hardcore status.)

coco you're making me nuts

After clinic tonight I had to stop into the grocery store for some milk, and I decided I deserved a treat. So off to the produce section I went(I hate dieting!) It came down to dragon fruit, lychee, coconut or star fruit~ those fruit that are tasty but for some reason or other I never purchase. After much deliberation, coconut was the winner.

I get my coconut home and realize I have NO idea how to open it. On TV the just kind of hack the tops off with a machete, but I don't own a machete. I own a hammer and a screwdriver. See where this is going?

Screwdriver goes into one of the coconut's 'eyes', hammer wields up to knock the screwdriver. Swing. ^&*%#@! Hammer comes down on my thumb, coconut onto the floor, husband laughs.

Now, I recall the reason I don't buy coconuts on a regular basis. When the throbbing calms down and the cussing subsides I'm going after Mr Coconut with a saw, or a stick of dynamite! (unless husband cracks it first)

I'm not the best at math...but

Husband and I went to Tim's for a coffee today, and it got me to thinking. The diameter? circumference? pi? radius? distance around the rim of a large cup a Tim Horton's of a large Tim Horton's coffee is about ten inches give or take an inch or two. The part of the lid you pop up to drink from is substantially smaller than the rim, lets say its half an inch.

So, how come, the seam of the cardboard cup always lines up dab smack in the middle of my drinking hole? I'm not good at math, but that seems like a lot of work for the employees at Timmie's to line up that rim just to bug me.

How to annoy me... part ?

This is an actual conversation I had with my husbad today....

Husband: [moan]

Me: What?

Husband: [moan] Nothing. [moan]

Me: Ummmm hummmm sounds like nothing. What's up?

Husband: [moan] My stomach hurts.

Me: What did you eat?

Husband: 2 burgers and some salad and then I finished off the carton of ice cream.[moan]

Me: Well why did you eat so much?

Husband: It was good, and you didn't tell me to stop.

Darling husband has no concept of moderation, the carton of ice cream he finished off was only purchased last night! The man is a bottomless pit where food just disappears. He can eat a giant bag of potato chips 10 minutes after finishing supper and then ask for dessert. The most annoying part is not that he expects me to tell when he has had enogh and should stop eating, the annoying part is that he's not a big man, and if I even think of having a spoonful of ice cream it goes right to my arse.

What is the horrid noise?!?!

So we're flying home today! Kiddo is filled with excitement, bags are packed and piled up in the living room. Last night/early this morning, I finally got excited kiddo to sleep. Husband had a few beers and passed out hours before. The dogs just came in from doing her pee and doors are locked.

The bags are packed, the house is clean and husband's to do list is written and I am past tired. I wash my face, brush my teeth and turn out the light. I have a pillow creating a wall between me and husband, because he's had a few beers and might roll over when he subconsciously realizes I'm in the bed and the beers make him handsy, and I'm snuggled down in the bed all comfortable, I just have to close my eyes and I'll fall asleep. And then.....


SLUUURRPP.

SLUUURRPP.

What the hell? Hello? It’s loud and its gross. Possibly the worst sound in the world, definitely the worst sound in my bedroom late at night/early morning when I want to sleep.

SLUUURRPP Its the slurping sound of my dog licking of her arse.

I give the dog a little nudge with my toes and everything is silent. For about two seconds.

SLUUURRPP

She starts again. So I hop out of bed, remove the dog from the foot of my bed, and carry her out to the living room and deposit her in her doggy bed. Taking care not to trip over the luggage bags I pound my way back to my room, climb back into the bed and re-adjust the pillow wall and snuggle back down.

SLUUURRPP

SLUUURRPP

I forgot to close the bedroom door! I swear the dog hates me.

Only 3 more hours until my flight!!

How to annoy me:

Promise to make the kiddo pancakes in the morning, then refuse to get out of bed and make them.

How to annoy me:

Take a week's worth of clean clothes and dump them on top of the dog. For me to fold!