Random Toughts

I'm a bit of a geek. (ok I'm a lot of a geek) I have a notebook I use to write down the most random things, quotes I like, lines from a movie, snappy comeback lines, random thoughts, words I have to look up in the dictionary when I get home, funny things to google, or not to google... I was looking through my notebook for something to write in a birthday card, but came up with the following instead...let's call them random thoughts. Enjoy.

Do stupid people realize they are stupid?

If coffee comes from a bean, and a bean is a vegetable, does that mean coffee is a vegetable?

It never ceases to amaze me that anything I drop will fit into the little space between the driver's seat and the console, but a hand looking to pick it up will not.

Every bar bathroom should have a cupholder.

LOL has come to stand for, 'I have nothing better to say'.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes

Between ages 1 and 23 ramen noodles are an acceptable food source, at some point after 23 you stop making the choice between ramen and real food. It's the same point when you start carrying rolaids in your pocket.

People, please stop making me feel like an idiot when i dont know my cell number. How often do YOU call yourself????

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

I'm always a little worried when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes, and I swear I didn't make any.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I at my watch 3 consecutive times and still don't know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind follows the speed limit.

Strobe lights make me an awesome dancer.