I murdered it... :(

There are hundreds of tutorials on how to open pomegranates on pinterest, youtube and the cooking network I'm sure you've probably seen Jamie Oliver make it look oh so simple - score the flesh, gently pry it apart and pound it with a spoon; child's play.

WELL, as it turns out I'm not a child and its not that simple!

My kitchen looks like pom-agedden!  There is sticky red juice all over the place, seeds are littered over the floor and my shirt is soaked with little red droplets.  Husband if you are reading this, hand print marking the roll of paper towel is not my blood, but that of slaughtered pom. 

Day of the Do Over

Its the 2nd annual Day of the Do Over.  I'm going to take you back in time to April 29th, 2010, to a post I like to call How to read my thoughts.  The original post got 3 comments :)

After 32 years, it finally occurred to me not everyone gets what I’m thinking! I spend a lot of time in my own head and I’m always surprised when people look at me funny like they don't know where I'm coming from. 

So, here's a little help with how to read my thoughts:

1. Silence: If I’m quiet, I'm thinking about something to say. I often think things and just forget to say them out loud, or I think I said them out loud and you are too stunned to answer me, there is always a great monologue going on up there. 

2. Eye twitch. You're talking about something that makes me somewhat uncomfortable. By somewhat I mean VERY. You can stop.

3. Shooting lasers with my eyes. You have to be paying attention to catch this, it looks very similar to rolling my eyes, just more animated, I want to hurt you. Stop doing whatever it is you're doing before the laser beams get you.

4. Look of disbelief. This is “I can’t believe I'm hearing what I'm hearing right now”, probably means I'm ticked, and if you continue to talk I'm going to start shooting daggers. Could also mean I think you are making this shit up.

5. Walk away. This means, the conversation sucks and I'm done listening. Or I had to go to the bathroom. You chose.

6. Come here. Can only mean one of two things, I have a brilliant idea or you've done something not so right. Either way, it's probably your fault for saying the idea during the conversation in my head aka silence.

7. Listening. We're getting somewhere, keep talking.

8. The look away. Any second now I'm going to start talking over you. Think about what you're saying and choose your carefully, I'm about to butt in. OR if its a very quick look away and look back, our evil plot is about to be foiled and I'm checking for listeners.

9. The snicker. HaHa you're funny. If this is accompanied with me tapping my fingers together ala Mr Burns, there is a scheme hatching upstairs so one of us is about to get into trouble.

10. Sleeping. Most of the best conversations happen when I'm asleep, but they are usually the most foolhardy. If I ever mutter the phrase "I had the best idea while I was sleeping". RUN

Dawn of the walking dead

Before I have my morning happy juice, I can easily be mistaken for a walker.  I stomp around the house with bits of leftover drool hanging from the corners of my mouth, balls of yellow sleep threatening to glue my eyes shut, hair uncombed and wildly knotted, unable to communicate in anything other than a string of unintelligible groans.

The pfft, shhh, splatt of caffeine sloshing down into my mug and the bitter aroma of the black liquid slowly beckon me back to humanity.  I know enough to slap two slices of bread into the toaster and push them down.

Slurppp...

The hot black liquid sloshes over my tongue, jolting my heart back to its normal rhythm.  The smell of slightly burnt toast permeates the air.  Still sluggish, I clumsily slather on the last of the homemade cherry jam and hoist it towards my mouth.

Chomp...

Splat!!!

Ahhhh....

All eyes are on the prize!  In one corner weighing in at 22.5 pounds Tina the Bean.   In the other corner lights flashing, Robot Vacuum.  Rounding off the competition is 1/2 zombie.   The tension is mounting, its going to be a tight race.

   

The winner is..... ME!  Zombie or not, its the LAST of the homemade cherry jam!  I'm not above eating floor toast.

  

Arrrr?

Living by the ocean, often feels like you're at the edge of the world.  Tons of stuff gets washed up on the shores all the time.  Every now and then, I like to think up stories about where the stuff came from.

Glass? Empty grog bottles hurled in the ocean by pirates. Obviously.

Wood?  Splinters from wooden legs.  Of course.

Footwear?  Easy.  Was attached to the wooden leg at one point.

But this, this one baffles me....

What would a pirate be doing with a keyboard?

I'm that kid of girl!

I'm the kid of girl who wears snowman pajamas in the summer while wearing 2.5 inch red leather heels and drinks wine while sweeping the floor...

Know why? Because its my Birthday and I can do whatever I want :)

Should have seen this coming....

The past couple of months kiddo kept bringing up the same topic, and for the past few months that same topic has fallen on deaf ears.

This time last week, all that changed. She was heading off on her first overnight school trip. It was time.

Husband dropped into the store on his lunch break and made the purchase. We sat side by side anxiously awaiting her return from school. Together we walked her through all the ins and outs.

Sunday morning we said goodbye to our beautiful little girl.


A few hours later, my cell phone rings. "Mom, if you have any more questions, ask them now. I'm trying to have fun with my friends but you keep texting me."

That is what happens when you give your 12 year old a cell phone!

She only texts you when she wants something!!

Is it summer yet?

I'm starting to get really sick of all the snow.

So... I'm turning my attentions to warmer climates...



by growing an avocado


AND a pineapple!

wish me luck :)


(Husband is already taking bets on how long they will last.)

There once was a man from Nantucket....

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who used the toothpaste and didn't shut it.
He felt like a twit,
When his wife pitched a fit.
That poor old man from Nantucket.


- Dear husband, please close the stupid flip cap next time!

to my carpet...

They said you were dirty,
all your stains they show.
Time to get you cleaned
so no one will know

You’re not even black yet
just a dull dingy grey,
but they're coming to clean you.
Today, of all days

Oh carpet, dear carpet
with messes soaked in
I feel I mistreated you,
she says with a grin

Out dirt, dust, beer
and dog accidents too.
You'll be nice and clean
after your professional shampoo.


House was listed on Wednesday and we've had two showings so far, can I say MAJOR pain in the arse. Let's hurry up and get this puppy sold so we can get back to Newfoundland!

20 Questions with a Cashier

I know, I know.. bad BAD baygirl! This whole moving this is a pain in the arse (I would say a good pain, but honestly is there a such thing as a good pain in the arse? Mind you there are people into some freaky stuff...)

Anyway, husband and I are getting the house ready to be listed, and the chore list seems to be never ending, the roof needed new shingles after that nasty wind storm a few months ago, the shower needed to be re-grouted, the baseboards needed to be painted and replaced, the ceilings needed to be painted, the garage cleaned, the gardens weeded, the carpets shampooed, and all that painting... ugh

For each "little" task we complete comes another trip to the do-it-yourself store, and a round of 20 questions with the cashier...

{insert cute cheery tone here} “Hi…do you have one of our new INCENTIVE cards yet? It will only take a minute to sign you up, so you can start receiving special discounts; which includes 2.5% off anything you purchase today. It will also entitle you to free gifts and good karma throughout the entire year.”

"It will only take a second….ready?"

1) Name?
2) Mailing address?
3) Email?
4) Home phone?
5) Work phone?
6) Cell phone?
7) Fax number?
8) Social insurance number?
9) Banking PIN number?
10) Blood type?
11) Can you say the alphabet backwards while standing on your head?
12) Would you like us to send you samples in the mail?
13) When would be the best time to call and inconvenience you?
14) Do you collect frequent flyer miles?
15) Do you own or rent your home?
16) Who would you like to be in your next life?
17) How much money do you make?
18) What size shoe do you wear?
19) Would you also be interested in opening a store credit card with a 0% interest rate for the year; after which will only be increased to 49.8%?
20) And finally...have you ever wanted to slap someone?"

Note to self: if I ever get married a second time, pick someone handy or rich so I don't have to do this fix-up stuff again.

The real estate agent comes tomorrow, I'm hoping for a quick sale!

2 points for husband

Husband and I went for a drive yesterday (an excuse to get out of the house and crank the air conditioner). I don’t know how it started, but somehow the following conversation happened:

Me: You’re lucky to have me.
Husband: Oh yeah, why now?
Me: Well, no one else would put up with you.
Husband: Really? I thought that was you?
Me: Nope! I'm perfect, I could have my choice of whoever I want.
Husband: So, what you're saying is that when we first met, I desperate but you weren't?
Me: Yep! that’s what I’m saying. No one else wanted you.
Husband: Well that explains everything!

Kiddo bust out laughing in the back seat, "2 points for Dad!"

Guess it backfired just a little.

Important lessons in toe safety

1. Never, NEVER wear flip flops while swinging a hammer; flip flops do not rank high in safety footwear.
2. When someone, especially a medical professional, tells you that something is going to hurt. It will. ALOT! Brace yourself.
3. Always seek medical attention when you are injured (even if that means having to admit to yourself that you are indeed hurt).
4. Pain killers may make you feel funny, but in reality they make you UNfunny to everyone else.
5. Always have a way to contact your husband in case of emergency. I am carefully teaching the dog how to use the phone.
6. Toes should never be taken for granted.
7. Hammers are evil.

It has taken me thirty-something years, a dropped hammer, and a blackened toe nail to learn these lessons... I will not make the same mistake twice I tell ya.

Feelin guilty

Feeling guilty for wearing the same batman t-shirt three days in a row... tommorrow will be number four! (hey its March break)

I think I have a problem

Husband recently pointed out for the hundredth time that I may have a slight addiction to my iPhone. In an attempt to prove him wrong, I decided to jot down my google searches done only on my iPhone in a 24 hour period.

Coffee scented candles
How to knit?
Was Faust a real person?
My dog looks like a pile of legs
Spelling of "umlaut"
Do you inject crack?
Is Starbucks really getting a larger coffee?
I lost my hammer again, how can I find it?
Alive on Ten Legs
FLDS church hairstyle
How do you make fat free cheese?
Do people still believe in unicorns?
How to remove tiles from a bathroom floor
My dog ate a ______
What's in chutney?
Why is my husband annoying me?
Greatest thing made out of jello
Disgusting jello recipe
Where is Chuck Norris?
What is in jello?
Intervetion drinking game
How to make religious groups stop knocking on my door?
If I pretend not to be home will the religious groups go away?
Best iPhone app
How long after its expiry date is eggnog still good?


Ok, maybe I have a slight problem... what do you google?

Could-a, should-a, would-a Wednesday

Could-a...

gone to the store to get some cleaning supplies to clean my nasty shower and mop my tea-spotted kitchen floor

Should-a...

paid some bills and worked on my nutrition assignment

Would-a...

gone to class, except its snowing out, and I didn't want my 25 minute drive to be a 50 minute drive

Instead, I...

- did a quick clean of the floor (let the dog lick up the tea)
- bugged kiddo
- didn't get out of bed until noon
- caught up on a bunch of blogs and found some new ones
- rewatched american psycho on netflix



I Love Snow Days!!

I ain't streelish at all...

So... I may or may not have gone to all my exams looking like this.




I tell ya, the past 2 weeks of exams were brutal! Now its time to watch TV, catch up on some blogging and start Christmas shopping.

Smiles

Its snowing! Funny thing about Ontario, we have a little dusting of snow and people are in a panic wondering if our exam will be cancelled this afternoon. Seeing as how I haven't used a shovel in my three years here I somehow doubt it.

Queen of domestic ungodliness

Yesterday, several long hours of studying for exams, I decided to take a break. Husband had just left for the airport (some work thingy up north), kiddo tucked lovingly into bed, and the dog in from her last potty break.

But, I guess relaxation is was not in the cards and I got to tidying up. Watering the flowers, washing the dishes, vacuuming the floors, and getting a head start on today's lunch.

2 hours later, lunch was burnt, kiddo was wide awake there was a pile of towels on the kitchen floor, a giant bruise on my arse a swollen ankle and a fried TV.

How you ask?

I had popped my ear phones in and filled up the watering can. Then I turned on the oven and ran the water for the dishes. Thinking it would only take a second to run into my bedroom and water the plants in there, I left the water running, but the nasty plant while I hanging above the television in my bedroom decided to overflow, sending water down into my TV. By the time I got back to the kitchen the sink was running too long and the floor was wet.

So, I grabbed a handful of towels from the closet and tossed them on the floor, the same exact second the fire alarm began to sound. Causing the dog to start barking which wokr up kiddo. Frustrated, I decided to return the vacuum to the laundry room, but I tripped on the cord and fell down the stairs.

There you have it. Queen of household chores, I am not.

Question Time

What do penguins wear for play clothes?

Yeah me!

I took Ms. Robyn's Choco Quiz and got me an A+!