Day of the Do Over

Its the 2nd annual Day of the Do Over.  I'm going to take you back in time to April 29th, 2010, to a post I like to call How to read my thoughts.  The original post got 3 comments :)

After 32 years, it finally occurred to me not everyone gets what I’m thinking! I spend a lot of time in my own head and I’m always surprised when people look at me funny like they don't know where I'm coming from. 

So, here's a little help with how to read my thoughts:

1. Silence: If I’m quiet, I'm thinking about something to say. I often think things and just forget to say them out loud, or I think I said them out loud and you are too stunned to answer me, there is always a great monologue going on up there. 

2. Eye twitch. You're talking about something that makes me somewhat uncomfortable. By somewhat I mean VERY. You can stop.

3. Shooting lasers with my eyes. You have to be paying attention to catch this, it looks very similar to rolling my eyes, just more animated, I want to hurt you. Stop doing whatever it is you're doing before the laser beams get you.

4. Look of disbelief. This is “I can’t believe I'm hearing what I'm hearing right now”, probably means I'm ticked, and if you continue to talk I'm going to start shooting daggers. Could also mean I think you are making this shit up.

5. Walk away. This means, the conversation sucks and I'm done listening. Or I had to go to the bathroom. You chose.

6. Come here. Can only mean one of two things, I have a brilliant idea or you've done something not so right. Either way, it's probably your fault for saying the idea during the conversation in my head aka silence.

7. Listening. We're getting somewhere, keep talking.

8. The look away. Any second now I'm going to start talking over you. Think about what you're saying and choose your carefully, I'm about to butt in. OR if its a very quick look away and look back, our evil plot is about to be foiled and I'm checking for listeners.

9. The snicker. HaHa you're funny. If this is accompanied with me tapping my fingers together ala Mr Burns, there is a scheme hatching upstairs so one of us is about to get into trouble.

10. Sleeping. Most of the best conversations happen when I'm asleep, but they are usually the most foolhardy. If I ever mutter the phrase "I had the best idea while I was sleeping". RUN

If you give a kid a camera

I walked into kiddo's room this morning, and sitting on her dresser was her camera.  I didn't want to snoop, but I am going with the assumption that it was laid on her dresser for me to find.  

So I turned it on and there are over 900 pictures!  I started to click through them.  The first 50 or so are pictures of every minute detail in her room (snoop prevention?), the next 100 are of the dog, 50 of the sky, a bunch of her friends... Then I get to these -

Roughly 20 pictures of her feet in various pairs of socks.  Is she trying to tell me something?!

I'll try to foget how much you annoy me....

So after we dropped kiddo off at book club last night, husband and I hit the mall. We were sitting in the food court having a cup of Timmie's when out of the corner of my eye I spot him.... 6 feet tall, 120 pounds, pristine mullet combed to perfection, sleeves of his yellowish white shirt rolled up over a pack of smokes, cut off cowboy boots and chips missing from both front teeth (think real life Joe Dirt) I divert my eyes and try not to giggle, when husband leans over... "Next time I annoy you, remember what's out there."

I'll try and forget how much you annoy me. For a while.

I think I have a problem

Husband recently pointed out for the hundredth time that I may have a slight addiction to my iPhone. In an attempt to prove him wrong, I decided to jot down my google searches done only on my iPhone in a 24 hour period.

Coffee scented candles
How to knit?
Was Faust a real person?
My dog looks like a pile of legs
Spelling of "umlaut"
Do you inject crack?
Is Starbucks really getting a larger coffee?
I lost my hammer again, how can I find it?
Alive on Ten Legs
FLDS church hairstyle
How do you make fat free cheese?
Do people still believe in unicorns?
How to remove tiles from a bathroom floor
My dog ate a ______
What's in chutney?
Why is my husband annoying me?
Greatest thing made out of jello
Disgusting jello recipe
Where is Chuck Norris?
What is in jello?
Intervetion drinking game
How to make religious groups stop knocking on my door?
If I pretend not to be home will the religious groups go away?
Best iPhone app
How long after its expiry date is eggnog still good?


Ok, maybe I have a slight problem... what do you google?

Mini Me

This afternoon I took a few hours and sorted some old pictures into albums, and gave them to kiddo to have a look while I went to prepare supper. I could hear her laughing in the living room as she gazed on the images of herself. A few minutes passed and she came into the kitchen.

"Mom, is bubble gum considered a toy? You know, because I get to play with it for a little while before you make me spit it out."

She's her mother's daughter alright!



This is the photo that sparked the question. She was 6 when it was taken.

Question time

What do chicken think we taste like?

Question Time

What do penguins wear for play clothes?

Question time!

If a tomato is a fruit, then technically is ketchup considered a smoothie?

Have you seen my mug?

Husband loves him some coffee. Like me, he can’t start the day without his happy juice, and a lot of it. Which is why we had a collection of travel mugs. (note I said HAD). The travel mug collection had everything from heavy duty thermoses, to recycled corn mugs, to stainless steel flasks to plastic drop a picture in mugs, and the best part about them, they kept the coffee hot. For some reason, husband can’t hold on to those travel mugs to save his life. At one point, not so long ago, there were eleven travel mugs in my house, 11! Now only one remains, MINE.

I know its mine, because I pick favorites. My one remaining travel mug is a blue recycled corn plastic, that has a warning on the bottom not to place in the dishwasher, that I didn't see until it came out of the dishwasher and is now slightly deformed because of the heat and you have to jam the lid on at a peculiar angle to get it to close, but its super light weight, and it still works, and I like the oddity of its shape, and husband will not touch it because I 'ruined it'.

Since husband won’t be able to function, can’t live without, absolutely needs his morning coffee and lacks the travel mugs normal people have, he just pours his coffee in a regular mug and takes that in the car. Then, of course, he forgets to bring mug back into the house and we end up with a collection of 3 or 4 mugs rolling around on the floor of the car. (or he takes them with him into his office, where they visit all our missing sandwich containers and are never seen again)

Think tomorrow as I drive him to work, I might hit a big bump. Maybe it will jar his memory and he'll be able to recall the location of just one of the ten missing travel mugs, or he'll break down and buy a new one.

question time

What do batteries run on?

question time

What are imitation rhinestones?

question time

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Random Toughts

I'm a bit of a geek. (ok I'm a lot of a geek) I have a notebook I use to write down the most random things, quotes I like, lines from a movie, snappy comeback lines, random thoughts, words I have to look up in the dictionary when I get home, funny things to google, or not to google... I was looking through my notebook for something to write in a birthday card, but came up with the following instead...let's call them random thoughts. Enjoy.

Do stupid people realize they are stupid?

If coffee comes from a bean, and a bean is a vegetable, does that mean coffee is a vegetable?

It never ceases to amaze me that anything I drop will fit into the little space between the driver's seat and the console, but a hand looking to pick it up will not.

Every bar bathroom should have a cupholder.

LOL has come to stand for, 'I have nothing better to say'.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes

Between ages 1 and 23 ramen noodles are an acceptable food source, at some point after 23 you stop making the choice between ramen and real food. It's the same point when you start carrying rolaids in your pocket.

People, please stop making me feel like an idiot when i dont know my cell number. How often do YOU call yourself????

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

I'm always a little worried when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes, and I swear I didn't make any.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I at my watch 3 consecutive times and still don't know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind follows the speed limit.

Strobe lights make me an awesome dancer.