How to use the bathroom at school.

Ok boys, LISTEN UP, there are fewer of you then there women on the first floor of the school, that means if there a line up for the ladies room, I'm using the men's room, and well, here are a few tips...

You guys seem to have a “lack of accuracy” and your “aim” is off. Either lift the damn seat, or wipe the dribbles off the seat, pick one. (if you choose to lift the seat, please put it down when you are done.

Toilet paper and soap are two of the most used items in the washroom. One should only use as much toilet towels as one needs and then ensure that it is properly deposited into the garbage can, not dropped on the floor. Talking of soap, try letting the tap run for 2-5 seconds extra so that your soap bubbles actually go down the drain.

If you find that basic toilet necessities like paper paper and soap are finished, it is now your duty to inform the correct people. They will ensure supplies are immediately provided so the next person will not be left high and undry.

NEVER forget to flush the toilet after the use; I am not interested in what you ate for lunch.

One more thing... the washroom does have a fan, its that switch right next to the one that turns on the light, try using it once in a while.

Its me!

I am the woman who hides her Husband's shoes because she tripped over them at the TOP OF THE FREAKING STAIRS for the billionth time.

Downstairs, in the laundry room, under the sink, behind the mop bucket.... hehehe

(did I mention its mid-term week and I'm so frazzled I could pull out my hair?)

Tina Bean is 3!

My pupper is 3 years old, so Kiddo had to throw her a party....

There were party hats

Doggie grins

and cake!


Husband is evidently the better cook...he made the cake

Don't try this at home!

Apparently, jamming your hand into a bottle of pickles to get the last one that simply will not allow you to stab it with a fork, while you have a small cut on your hand is not very smart.

Also, rubbing your eyes with the same hand a few minutes later (and yes I washed it) isn't any smarter.

Ouch! Ouch! f*c* OOOWWWW!

Evil, Evil, Tasty Evil Pickles!

Friday Follow

Thanks for dropping by! If you leave your link I will come visit you back.

Spam

Does anyone else get spam that says nothing? No subject line, no text, no PFO, just a “from” address, nothing else? They’re very mysterious sorts of spam... a little foreboding. It’s kind of like getting an anonymous, wish you were here postcard in the mail, and you don't know anyone who is on vacation. They keep getting through my firewall thingy, and my junk filters. Every time I get another one in my inbox I can't help but wonder where they came from, like maybe someone is using them to spy on me, maybe they’re portals to another cyber universe, or an odd computer worm. I don’t know. But they kind of freak me out. I’m almost even superstitious about deleting them.... except the idea of leaving them there creeps me out more...

Bits N Pieces

Last night a friend of husband and I dropped over unannounced at 9:30. Its midterm week form me, so I was less than impressed. The boys were chatting on about something of no interest to me so I tuned them out and went over the contraindications of trigger point therapy in my head, when I finally tuned back in when I heard my male friend saying:

"Everyone should have sex with Johnny Depp at least once."

I love selective hearing. That one sentence kept me giggling all day today.

Happy Fadder's Day

You're the first thing I think of
Each morning when I rise
You're the last thing I think of
When I close my eyes

You're in each thought I have
And in every breath I take
My feelings are growing stronger
With every move you make

You're an angel from above
who takes away my pain
My love for you is very strong
and will always be the same

You're an important part of my life
You always make me smile
Just knowing that you care
Makes my life worth-while

You are everything I want
You're so pure and true
I love you with everything I have
And I love everything that you do

well almost everything, some times you're just annoying

Happy Fadder's Day Vincent, we love you!

All I did was THINK about baking and look what happened!

A girl in my class gave me a recipe today, for what she is calling "the best chocolate banana bread ever", assuring me that there is no possible way I can mess it up if I follow the recipe and don't over beat anything. Since she was nice enough to hand write out the recipe on a pretty little card I told her I would try making it this weekend. So on the way home, I pull into the grocery shop and make sure I have everything I need.

I get home and....



the bananas have committed suicide! Just the thoughts of my baking with them, pushed them over the edge...

Friday Follow

I can see how you'd get them confused... not

In the hustle of getting up and showered, making lunches and getting out the door in the morning, I asked husband to grab an apple for kiddos lunch bag while I brushed my teeth. Something I'm pretty sure the dog could do if she had opposable thumbs and could open the fridge door.

From the bathroom I hear "Bria, where does mom keep the apples?" followed by a lot of banging and shuffling around.

"There is a whole bag of apples are in the bottom drawer of the fridge" I holler back.

"Nope, none there. Guess again." Then comes a long pause and I can hear her lunch bag zipping up.

I left it alone, grabbed my travel mug of happy juice and slipped out the front door.

On the way home, we dropped into the grocery store to grab some burger buns and out of the corner of my eye, I see husband counting out apples. "Hon, we have a whole bag of apples, we don't need any more."

"Nope."

"What do you mean nope? There is a whole bag in the drawer, didn't you give one to Bria today?"

"Nope. No apples, just a bunch of tomatoes."

Huh, ok, maybe I was wrong. So we buy the apples. Just as we're walking into the house, kiddo appears at the top of the steps eating, guess what, an apple!

So I give husband the 'what are you, retarded' look, and head up into the kitchen, open the fridge and produce an entire bag of apples.

His response "Nope, they're tomatoes."

He was looking in the wrong bottom drawer of the fridge. I swear of those apples had teeth they would have jumped up and bit him.

Update: the house next door

It rained on Sunday, just before the open house next door was about to begin. I was planning on sitting on the front step with kiddos guitar and amp, preforming a 'concert' for the open house visitors. I was certain my being completely tone deaf and unable to carry a tune would deter the older folk, but rain and fear of electrocution ruined my plan. So I went shopping instead.

This morning as kiddo was getting on the bus, the real estate agent arrived next door, coffee in hand I wandered over, introduced myself and asked if there were any offers on the house yet. "No, not yet, but there is a couple coming by in a few minutes for their second look."

Interesting.

As soon as I close my house door behind me, a truck pulls up. Windows tinted, painted a deep purple with pink flames on the bonnet.. oh boy.

Suspense is mounting, the door slowly opens and out pops... an older white haired couple! I kid you not.

expired?

I have a question what month does MA stand for?


Hummmm... garbage maybe?

How does this happen OR another reason I shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen

Why is it that I can't accomplish the simpliest of tasks in the kitchen without something going wrong?

Honestly, how does this happen?

The house next door

The house next door is for sale! Today I sat on my front step and watched the people comming and going from the open house. (not too weird right)

A few facts about our neighborhood:
1. husband and I are the only couple until 40
2. its a very quiet neighborhood (reason fact #1)
3. I really really want an under 40 couple to move in next door
4. the only people who went to the open house were not even close to 40!

There is another open house on Sunday, I am giving serious thought to sitting out there again, and "discouraging" older couples from buying it! Would that be awful?

Would I be called a home sale wrecker?

Stand back, he's all mine

The following is a grown up conversation between me and husband.

"Hon, I need your help. Can you help me think of a name for this post?"

"How about BUTTCRACK?"

"Umm Yeah, that's a great name, but seriously any ideas?"

"How about VERY SERIOUS CRACK OF THE BUTT?"

-Its a wonder no one else wanted him!

Domestic baking goddess I ain't!

Over the past weekend we played tourist and ended up buying a full flat (6 quarts) of strawberries. Now, I love strawberries but what was I thinking buying so many at once? Our friend took a quart when he was leaving, I've made strawberry spinach salad, I've been blending strawberries into my protein shakes, had strawberries in my cereal, strawberries, strawberries, strawberries.

So last night I went looking for recipes and I found some ideas that made me drool just reading them. Eventually I came across one for strawberry cupcakes with strawberry butter cream icing, ohhhh my taste buds were screaming. I printed the recipe and immediately began cutting and pureeing strawberries while husband was sent to the store for the items a non-baker lacks.

As I mixed and blended, I tried to ration with myself... I haven't had cake in over 2 years, these won't be cake they are mini cake so they will have less calories, I will spend an extra 10 minutes on the treadmill to make up for it. I can see the look of shock on the faces of my cooky classmates who regularly bring in freshly baked items from home to share, kiddo in awe of having cupcakes that don't come out of a box or from a store. I would be a cupcake goddess.

I popped my pinkish buddies in the oven and wished them well, that they would rise up beyond my expectations, while they baked I worked extra hard on the icing following the recipe to the letter, all the while being very strict and not sampling anything.

The cupcakes came out of the oven, and they looked a little 'small' but I didn't let it get me down. The icing was smelling great, and my stomach was now growling for a sample. No. I would stay strong.

Time to ice them, so I called the kid to take over. She heaped the icing on their tops and begged to lick the spoon when she was done. Still no taste testing on my behalf (yeah and nay at the same time).



Don't they look cute?

So this morning I get up, I pack a cupcake in kiddo's lunch, two in husband's and then I pile a bunch in a container to take to school. I strut into the lecture hall carrying my container of cupcakes high, proud of myself and awaiting the ohhhs and ahhhs that will surely follow.

I would like to take this opportunity to state that looks can be deceiving, smells can be deceiving, and classmates can be harsh.

My cute little muffins were a flop. Apparently there is something "wrong with my leavening agent" MY WHAT? (English please)... they didn't rise (I thought they looked small) and then there were a bunch of offers to come to my house and teach me to cook (one of which came from the guy in the class who eats ramen noodles 5 days a week). Its a good thing that I learned to laugh at myself years ago..

I get home from class today, walk into the kitchen and then I notice that the remaining cupcakes are nearly gone. Hummm is kiddo tossing them in the garbage? NOPE my kid is loving them, thinks they are some of the best cupcakes I have ever made.. that's it, I'm trying one, they're not awful, but a domestic baking goddess I am not! that's for sure.

Next week I plan to buy some cupcakes, bring them to class and say "just kidding".

--side note, my first cupcake in 2 years, and it was "not awful" yeah I'm a winner.

Rant: unattended childern

I felt little guilty laughing at SOME of the signs posted below the first time I saw them, but seriously, how annoying is it when people leave their children unattended?

Husband, kiddo and I were out running errands. We were walking through the mall, and just outside the food court there were 2 Cretans running amuck, yelling, screaming, carrying on and climbing on the benches. The little buggers nearly tripped up an elderly man and I don't fully think it was an accident.

I’m not saying I'm for hover-parents, because that can be annoying too, but there is a difference between letting a child go free to discover their own world safely (emphasis on ’safely’) and being totally unaware of what your child is doing because the responsible (using this word lightly) person something more important to do, like I don't know gab on their call phone. Sometimes the line is very fine, but yeah, there is a difference. Don't even get me started about kids left unattended in a vehicle!



























Ok, prehaps that last one was a little harsh... or was it?

Random Toughts

I'm a bit of a geek. (ok I'm a lot of a geek) I have a notebook I use to write down the most random things, quotes I like, lines from a movie, snappy comeback lines, random thoughts, words I have to look up in the dictionary when I get home, funny things to google, or not to google... I was looking through my notebook for something to write in a birthday card, but came up with the following instead...let's call them random thoughts. Enjoy.

Do stupid people realize they are stupid?

If coffee comes from a bean, and a bean is a vegetable, does that mean coffee is a vegetable?

It never ceases to amaze me that anything I drop will fit into the little space between the driver's seat and the console, but a hand looking to pick it up will not.

Every bar bathroom should have a cupholder.

LOL has come to stand for, 'I have nothing better to say'.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes

Between ages 1 and 23 ramen noodles are an acceptable food source, at some point after 23 you stop making the choice between ramen and real food. It's the same point when you start carrying rolaids in your pocket.

People, please stop making me feel like an idiot when i dont know my cell number. How often do YOU call yourself????

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

I'm always a little worried when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes, and I swear I didn't make any.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I at my watch 3 consecutive times and still don't know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind follows the speed limit.

Strobe lights make me an awesome dancer.

Extra belly skin

Tucking my kiddo into bed should be a warm, loving mom experience… not in my world!

I was tucking my 10 year old daughter into bed, I leaned in to give her a kiss on the forehead when she gave me an odd look and started to giggle.

"OK kiddo, what are you giggling about?"

"Well mom" she starts, "when you leaned in to give me a kiss, I felt all the extra skin on your belly jiggle. It jiggles like your butt."

WHAT!!???

My 10 year old just pointed out that I not only have a jiggly butt, but I have extra skin on my belly that also jiggles!

She might be laughing now, but in 30-some years she, too, will have jiggly bits. (I’ll probably be pooping my pants in a nursing home but guess who’ll be laughing then!)

Tourist in Niagara

Husband and I have a friend from home who now lives in Texas, but managed to find his way to Niagara for a visit (that's the short version) this weekend we did the tourist thing....



We began with some sight seeing over looking the Niagara River.



Followed by a trip to the top of Niagara Falls



It was such a beautiful day, we had to go for a ride!



Here we are on the Maid of the Mist



Extreme close up of me in front of the American Falls.


Then came Clifton Hill.



That was yesterday. Today we decided began with a trip to White Meadows Farm where we bought some maple syrup, maple candies, and...


Maple Popcorn


Next we headed to Picards!


What do you get when you deep fry a peanut in a potato chip batter? CHIPNUTS! We wandered the store sampling the different flavours before selecting salt and vinegar flavour.


Then we went to Lock 3 Museum and watched a ship pass through the Welland Canal.


We headed to a road side vendor to purchase some local strawberries.


6 pints to be exact! (Anyone have any good strawberry recipes?)


Finally, we headed home and I made a tasty strawberry spinach salad before Jason left. Overall it was a very productive weekend.

I love visitors, but my stomach is glad we don't get too many! I am soooo full.

I love you, but can you please shut up?

Kiddo is FULL of attitude. At 10 years old, she can dish it out like an adult (when the mood strikes her).

I was studying for my anatomy test, books strewn all over the floor, iPhone and computer well out of reach, when kiddo and husband returned from kiddo's tutoring.

Immediately, husband flops down in the chair next to me and starts to ramble for the sake of rambling. Kiddo looked at the mess on the floor and my hair standing on end, looked at her father, than back to me. Promptly put her hands on her hips "Daddy, I love you, but can you please shut up. Mommy is doing homework, and you talked the whole way home." A look of shear shock washed over his face. "Well daddy, I'm just sayin." She then spun on her heels and left the room.

It was priceless! The only thing missing was her snapping her fingers as she turned.

What's that in my eye?

The last time my husband went shopping he went for 2 items and came back with 2 bags. I know I shouldn't complain, because well he goes shopping occasionally. Last night he was out, and decided I needed a treat to help me study for my OSCE. He decided to buy me rice cakes to stop me from eating all the junk I really want to be eating when I'm studying.




I don't know who to blame, husband for thinking of me and buying me the rice caked treats? Stress for pushing me to eat the whole bag? Me for eating the whole bag. OR Karma.

Did you know that when you tip the bag over to dump all the small crushed up pieces into your mouth that salt and vinegar-flavored rice dust falls in your eyes and really hurts?

So if ever you see me en route to an exam of sorts, and I’ve got rice cake remnants in my eye-lashes...keep on walking! I don’t need any comments from you...I'm craving sugar, I can’t see and I probably won't poop for a week from all the rice.

--For the record, I had 3 minutes left on my OSCE and was so focused on doing the correct special tests, I skipped the entire neurological testing section (with my reflex hammer sitting in my line of sight, next to my patient) So the rice cakes did nothing to help!

My new addiction...

Ok, I have a new addiction. Tap Fish! Tap Fish is an iPhone app that simulates an aquarium, you to feed, buy, love, breed and sell your fish, clean your aquarium, and even visit your neighbor.

Seriously I can't stop tapping, it has quickly become the most used app on my iPhone, even kiddo is indulging in my obsession asking at least twice a day how the fishies are doing, do I need any help cleaning the tanks, what fishies are in love, are there any new babies?

Aren't they the cutest fishies you ever saw? I think I may soon need a Tap Fish intervention!