A letter to my daughter on her 13th birthday

Its official. Since 8:26pm on August 2nd, you are finally a teenager. The thought makes me feel old. I don’t think I’m ready! I can’t possibly be that old. I still have some growing up of my own to do.

In five short years you will set off into the crazy mad world, to college or university. It seems so close. There are still so many things you need to know, so many things I want to teach you, and too many things I’m afraid of you learning. I miss you already. It makes me sad to think of you growing up - I have envisioned your wedding a dozen times, in my mind I have held your baby.

You have been with me for so long, the deciding factor in every decision I make. Part of me wants to let you go a just a smidgen and watch you make your own decisions, but part of me wants you to be all mine forever. You no longer call me mommy. You shy away from my hugs and kisses. Occasionally I get an “I love you.”

Enjoy the little things my dolly, all too soon they will become the big things. Eat cheesecake, dance in the rain, sing out loud and surround yourself with people who love you. Find what you love and figure out how to get paid for doing it.

Have no regrets.

Never be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone, its OK if its a little scary. Always treat people how you want them to treat you. You are not better than other people and they are not better than you.

Remember that no matter where you are and what you do, I will always love you. I will always be your biggest fan.


All my love,
Mom


** I know its a little late, but I had this scheduled for the 2nd, but it didn't post. ** tommorrow I'll tell you all about the wedding!

Should have seen this coming....

The past couple of months kiddo kept bringing up the same topic, and for the past few months that same topic has fallen on deaf ears.

This time last week, all that changed. She was heading off on her first overnight school trip. It was time.

Husband dropped into the store on his lunch break and made the purchase. We sat side by side anxiously awaiting her return from school. Together we walked her through all the ins and outs.

Sunday morning we said goodbye to our beautiful little girl.


A few hours later, my cell phone rings. "Mom, if you have any more questions, ask them now. I'm trying to have fun with my friends but you keep texting me."

That is what happens when you give your 12 year old a cell phone!

She only texts you when she wants something!!

Proud mom

The scene opens with kiddo and I sitting in the kitchen. I am puling out containers of leftovers while kiddo sizes up the contents of the fridge. (Mind you, we are leaving in a few days, so there is little to nothing in the fridge.)

Kiddo: Is that...? Oh my... YEAH!

Me: What is it dolly?

(with a huge smile on her face): Chocolate pudding!

Me: Well I guess you're in luck.

(around a mouthful): Umm I am so glad, I thought the only stuff left in the fridge were leftovers and stuff we didn't want to eat, you know like cabbage. Pudding is awesome. It's delicious and slides down your throat...you don't even have to chew it!


Yep - I am the proud mother of a 12 year old who is just too lazy to chew her food. I am so not ready for the teen years!

10 important lessons I have to teach my kid

1. How to make Mom's coffee in the morning.

2. Be goofy and outrageous. It's fun, most people aren't watching anyway, and the ones who do are mostly just envious. Or constipated.

3. There's just something special about a handwritten note, a smile and a thank you that goes a long way.

4. Running on vinyl flooring in wool socks and sliding equals breaking something or trip to the hospital.

5. Green vegetables are your friends. (except broccoli which is pure evil)

6. How not to felt wool sweaters. (as soon as I figure it out)

7. I don't care if you write a tell-all book about me since I'm already blogging it. (nice threat though)

8. Leaving the front door open while the air conditioner is on means we won't be going on vacation this summer.

9. Butter is worth the fat.

10. There will always be people who are worse at (or better at) something than you are, don't rub it in, what matters is that you are trying.


what lessons do you want to pass on?

Can I have a refund please?

Just over a week ago, kiddo go it in her head that she needs her own money, to "buy stuff, just because". She came to husband and I with a proposition, she would make her bed, dump the recycling and fill the water jug daily in exchange for $5 a week. She even wrote up a contract for us to sign, and put in a clause - in the event of her needing extra cash she would do additional chores at pre-set amounts up to but not exceeding $20 a week.

Wash dishes - $1
Empty dishwasher - $1
Dump compost bin - $5 (because its gross)
Vacuum - $1 per room
Cook omelets - $1 each (its the only thing she can cook unassisted)
Carry clothes to laundry room - $1

With labour that cheap, how could I refuse? So I signed her contract.

She has been doing her chores, without reminding and marking them off her checklist. This morning, husband goes in to wake her and finds her sleeping on top of her covers wrapped in a spare blanket. Turns out the sneaky little bug hasn't been under her blankets in a week so she doesn't have to make the bed, she just used the spare blanket and tosses it in her closet when she wakes up!

When she gets home from school I'm asking for a refund!

Prehaps clearer instructions next time?

Background - I am on day three of a stupid detox diet, which means I am STARVING, and, I am paying extra close attention to every piece of fruit and starch husband and kiddo pop into their mouths.



This is the new Tim Horton's s'mores donut - chocolate donut, chocolate fondant, covered with mini marshmallows & graham crumbs (there many even be mini chocolate chips on this sucker, I'm not sure, I won't allow myself to be within biting distance.)

So back to where I was going with this....

Last night after supper, I sitting on the couch with my tea pretending to study. Err, minding my own business, when husband and kiddo bound into the room each chomping on one of the above donuts. My stomach lets out a roar that would scare when the bravest soul.

Girgle Giirgle Girgle.... I want a donut!

"Kiddo, could you please get mom something green to snack on." I ask.

Sensing the desperation in my voice, kiddo leans over me and lays her donut on the side table before spinning on her heels and bounding in to the kitchen, dog chasing at her heels. Leaving me sitting next to her s'morey temptation while watching husband unlatch his jaw and swallow his donut whole.

Kiddo returns in what feels like an hour. With a whole green pepper....

"What? Kiddo, a whole green pepper?"

"Well," she replies "this is green. You did ask for something green, and Bean thought it was a good idea."

"What do you mean, Bean thought it was a good idea?"

"Well, Tina Bean got excited when she saw it, and when I let her smell it, she kept licking it."

"Owwww... Did you wash it after the dog was finished licking it?"

She shrugs, husband laughs.

I throw the pepper back to her, "Wash this off an put it back in the fridge, my appetite is gone."

This is the point when I remember the unwashed supper dishes in the kitchen sink, take my now empty mug and head to the kitchen.

Kiddo is standing in front of the sink, dog by her feet, washing the pepper IN the sink, WITH the dirty dishes! gaww

"Kid, what are you doing?"

She rolls her eyes, "Washing the pepper like you told me too."

Its all my fault!

Late at night, after everyone goes to bed, I steal kiddo's homework and poke it in strange places, and while I'm at it I go through her dresser and remove all her pants with elastic waists forcing her to wear jeans. Then, I take one of her shoes and drop it in the middle of the steps before throwing its mate in the downstairs living room, behind the futon.

Occasionally when I have time, I scatter her drawings on the kitchen floor and walk over them a few times to get them all dirty. Then after kicking them around for a few minutes, I crumple them into tight balls and throw them up on top of the curtain rods. When I'm super bored, I take her permission slips and slather them in peanut butter before placing them in the dog's bowl. If Tina doesn't make a complete meal out of the really hard math sheets, I bury them deep in the recycling bin, right next to husband's financial spread sheet, all the household bills and wads of $1000 bills.

AND THEN, I make her go to school while Grandma is visiting!

I do this because I want to ruin her life and make her stay in school during recess.

how to embarass your pre-teen (repost)

I orignally posted this about a year ago, it didn't get a single comment. Since its one of my fav posts, so I'm recycling it...

My family has always told me that I like to stir the pot, my mother said that I would argue with my toes if they would argue back, so when my 10 year old clinched her fists and gave me a look that would send chills through the hearts of the faint, I sang even louder!

My daughter is an only child and sometimes I feel that she's not getting the proper razzing. (Anyone with siblings, knows what its like to be embarrassed.) I feel its my responsibility to teach her how to laugh at herself.




DISCLAIMER: My daughter and I are very close, she goes everywhere with me, and always has. I know her limits, and what is acceptable, I would never do anything malicious, cruel or hurtful, she knows my intentions, I only want to make her laugh, and she also knows that I am not laughing AT her, but WITH her.


So a few things I do to keep my tween on her toes:

1)when she's placing her order at McDonald's, unexpectedly tickle her a little,to throw off the straight face
2)when driving her and her friends anywhere, turn up the radio and sing along to that Justin Beiber tune, just make sure you're off key
3)when crossing a crowded parking lot, spread your arms like an airplane and run around in circles
4)take her to a restaurant that sings to you on your birthday, stand up and proudly sing along
5)use her family nickname when her friends come over (provided that nickname is not Stinky Pants or something of the like)
6)dedicate a blog entry to the art of embarrassing her
7)when dropping her off anywhere, ALWAYS insist on a hug or a kiss
8) when you're in the grocery store and a good song comes on, dance through the isles

Ok you get the idea. She doesn't always appreciate these things as they are happening, but I'm hoping she will look back on them as fond memories

Life is way to short not to laugh!

If you have anymore ideas, please post them below...

stupid dumb yummy candy

A pile of jelly beans
colourful and sweet
now off to the dentist
one broke kiddo teet (sorry, tooth didn't rhyme)

Proud Mudder!

Kiddo competed in the speak offs today and won first place in the Junior Division! She will be going on to represent her school later this month. I couldn't be prouder....so, I'm posting her speech, the whole 4.5 minutes of it!

Close your eyes let your mind go blank. Let time fly by. Just think of a magical place where the sky is baby blue, the grass is as soft as fur and the sun bathes your skin with its glowing rays. Now SNAP OUT OF IT!

Imagination, it is your ticket to another world, another time, another place. I think imagination is the most important thing in the world. well Next to chocolate.

Imagination is the ability to form an image in your mind of something that you can’t see, feel, taste or smell. It is the ability to build scenes, objects or events that do not exist, are not present or have happened in the past. Everyone has some imagination ability. In some people, it is highly developed, like in me. In others, imagination may be weak, like parents or bosses, or even principles, but I didn’t say that. OK?

Imagination makes it possible to experience a whole new world inside your mind. It lets you look at any situation from a different point of view, and lets you explore anything you can possibly think of.

You can use your imagination in many different ways. One way is daydreaming. But you have to be careful with daydreaming, because too much can make school work impossible, I should know. But Just the right amount of daydreaming can provide happiness, calmness and adventure.

Your imagination lets you live your life with no worries, Hakuna Matata if you will. In your imagination you can travel anywhere, at the speed of light, with nothing in your way and no one telling you that you can’t do something. You can discover lost islands, swim with the sharks or fly over the London Bridge. It can make you feel free, from work, your chores and anything else you don’t want to do.

Your imagination can use all of the five senses and feelings. You can imagine a sound, a taste, a smell, a touch, a feeling or an emotion. Some people use mental pictures, other people find it easier to imagine feelings, and other people use all of their senses.

Having a strong imagination does not make you a daydreamer or impractical. No way!

Imagination is very important in life. We all use imagination whether we know it or not. We use our imagination whenever we plan a party, or a trip. We use it when we describe something, write a letter, tell a story or bake a cake. Imagination is necessary for inventing an instrument, designing a dress, building a house, painting a picture or writing a book. The creative power of imagination has an important part in our lives.

Imagination can also help us face our fears and master them. If you are afraid of a monster, you can make up a story about hunting down the monster and scaring it, or cast a spell and turn that monster into a frog.

As delicate as bubbles , so is imagination. If we don’t take care of it, POP! we can destroy its magic, but if we send our imagination out into the world, we create beauty for everyone.

I think a world without imagination would be very boring. What would we watch? There wouldn’t be any television or movies if somebody didn’t use their imagination to make them. What would we wear? Clothes would be boring and dull if someone didn’t take the time to imagine the latest styles. What would we read? Books wouldn’t be any fun without someone imaging the stories. Imagination is everywhere!

In the words of my favourite Doctor “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” ~Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! Thank you for listening, and keep on imagining.

Not bad for an 11 year old if I do say so myself.

Smarty Pants

Kiddo made it through the 1st round of the speak offs, and me being the proud momma, calls all family to fill them in. Nearing the end of the conversation with my second youngest sister, she asked me a question...

Me - (talking into the phone to sister): "I' been known to be wrong once or twice, so don't quote me but I'm pretty sure that's how you do it."

Kiddo - (across the room, watching TV and barely paying attention to me) "Mom, every knows you've been wrong more than twice."

I didn't see that one coming!

Feeling guilty

For acting like I don't know what happened to the last strawberry milkshake pop tart, when I ate it about an hour ago.

cherries on top

Its Sunday morning.

The bathroom renovations are still underway. (unforeseen plumbing problem, unforeseen ceramic tile problem, me accidentally losing 2 hammers and my sanity)

The bulb in my 53" rear screen projection TV went out on Friday.

Kiddo accidentally bumped into a rather large potted plant sending it crashing to the floor, spilling its dirt all over the carpet the same day that my central vac hose refuses to suck.

I walk into the kitchen, husband is cooking a wonderful breakfast (sweet potato wedges, eggs, sausage and toast) and there is kiddo, sitting at the table scooping giant spoonfuls of jam onto her plant.

She has found my hidden jar of breakfast sanity; also known as sweet cherry jam, and is removing all the jam to get the full cherries for herself. She sees me and begins scooping the jam back into the bottle.

Is it too early to open a bottle of wine?

Dear Santa, I think its time you retire

I don`t remember when I debunked the Santa theory, how it happened, or even why. I do remember that for years afterward I continued to play along. (Party for the benefit of my three younger sisters, partly because I could continue to request specific gifts from the big guy.)

With kiddo now being 11, I`m finding that I just couldn't`t be bothered to keep up the facade any longer. Year after year the fat guy gets specially baked cookies and all the credit, while I do all the work. How is that fair exactly?

Now I'm not about to pull a Grinch. I do have a plan! It goes a little something like this...

Dear Kiddo, thank you for taking the time to write me that wonderful letter and for baking me the tasty cookies. Once again, I am glad you did not let your mother bake them or I might have gotten some kind of food poisoning.
This year, I only have one present to leave you because your family has been so amazing and taken care of all the items on your list.
Be good, and have wonderful holiday.
HoHoHo, Santa

Sorry Santa, but your being forced into retirement.

The centre of the universe

This scene takes place 7:45am this morning, we overslept and kiddo has a dentist appointment at 8:30. husband is in the shower, kiddo and I are in the kitchen.

Kiddo: I don’t want milk on my cereal.

Me: K (turning on the coffee perk, making sandwiches for lunch, grabbing and slicing fruit, dumping Cheerios into bowls, I start to pour milk into 2 of the 3 bowls)

Kiddo: Mom I said I don’t want milk!

Me: Umm this isn't yours, this one is your fadders and this one is mine. We have to eat breakfast too.

Kiddo: (grabbing the third bowl off the kitchen counter) Oh. I thought you were ruining my cereal.

Me: Wow! What do you think, the whole world revolves around you?

Kiddo: Um, no. The earth revolves around the world, but you and dad revolve around me.

YIKES! So this is what happens when you promise your pre-teen an omlette for breakfast, then sleep in and force her to eat cold cereal.

Come on Mudder where is your brain?

In an attempt to get out of the house this morning, I seem to have misplaced my brain!

Kiddo's lunch box contents:
thermos - check
miniature box of raisins - check
juice box - check
spoon - check
napkin - check
nutella and bread sticks - check
love you note - check

Out the door, off to school we go, not a second thought... until, I get home. I'm not even in though the door when kiddo meets me.

"Mom, my teacher sent you a note."
"What does it say?"
"Just that you're in trouble."
"Wait, a note from my school or yours?"
"Mine."
"What? Go get the note."

Kiddo thrusts an envelope in my direction. Apparently I messed up, nutella has nuts in it!

Peanut free school, I am SORRY! I DO know the difference, it won't happen again I promise. (thankfully kiddo is bright enough to not even open it)

Shopping with baygirl

Kiddo and I went on an excursion the grocery store this morning. We’re walking through the grocery store and I’m checking my list "Shampoo, garbage bags, sweet potatoes, binders; remind me to stop in the school supply area. Milk? Do we need milk?"

"Nope. There's milk home, but we need to go to the school supplies."

"Ok, school supplies and then we'll go."

We rush over to the school supplies area, grab 2 red binders and stand in the 16 items or less line when I catch a glimpse of the shopping cart in front of me. "Why do people assume that six cans of tuna count as one? There's about 30 things in her cart?”

“Sshhh, mom she’ll hear you.”

"Shite!"

"What?"

"I forgot something. Never mind, I don’t have time to go get it before its our turn. Come on."

"What did you forget?"

Without thinking, I answered, "Ground Round."

"I hate ground round! You've been sneaking pretend vegetarian meat into my food, mom that's GROSS! I'm telling dad and I’m not eating anything you cook again!”

FAIL for me.

Honesty, not always the best policy...

Kiddo is attending the circus camp just down the road from my school this week, so we share the 25 minute drive each way. Yesterday morning's drive we argued over which radio station to listen to, what the hell do the 10 year olds of the world see in Justin Beiber? Cute, ummm hummm he looks like an eighteen year old girl! Talented, ummm hummm all I hear is high pitched whining! So, we decided to compromise, we would listen to "her" radio station on the way to camp, and we would listen to "my" radio station on the way home.

Husband, if you are reading this post, PLEASE STOP HERE.

So this morning, I stayed true to our deal, I turned on "her" radio station, and off we went. She's in the back seat bopping her head and singing along with the pop station (you know the station that plays music similar to the sounds of sneakers beating around the insides of a dryer), I'm cruising down the highway guzzling my travel mug of happy juice.

"Mom, you're passing a lot of cars." pipes the voice in the back seat.

"Ummmm Hummm..."

"Mom, that sign said 100, how come you're going faster? I think you should slow down."

No sooner are the words out of her mouth, when I see red and blue lights flashing behind me! Seriously???

The officer walks up to the car "Mam, do you know why I pulled you over?"

Me batting my eyes, "No, officer I don't."

Kiddo pipes up "I do. She was driving 130 and the sign only said 100, but she was only going fast because we made a deal to listen to my music on the way to circus camp and she wanted to get there as soon as possible so she could turn it off quicker."

CRAP! Ya had to tell the truth didn't you child? Tonight, mom is going to teach you how to lie, then she's going to teach you not to tell your fadder.

What do you mean it doesn't match?

Today I took kiddo shopping, her birthday is a few weeks away, and she is growing like a weed. As I wandered around in the clothing, two women of a certain age (I'm not saying old, just both of them had white hair, so they were that age) were leaving the dressing room, adjusting their clothes and hair. One says to the other. "I haven't had my clothes on and off so much since I was a teenager!" The 12 year old boy in me burst out laughing. I guess the sound of my giggling tipped them off, and she looked at me, then to her friend and said "Well! That's not what I meant...." Made my day!

...


Didn't manage to find anything for kiddo. Nothing was her "type of style". I have no idea what that means. She just took the dog for a walk wearing pajama bottoms, her swim shirt top and a knit bunny hat!

The neighbors expect nothing less from a kid of mine.

Rant: unattended childern

I felt little guilty laughing at SOME of the signs posted below the first time I saw them, but seriously, how annoying is it when people leave their children unattended?

Husband, kiddo and I were out running errands. We were walking through the mall, and just outside the food court there were 2 Cretans running amuck, yelling, screaming, carrying on and climbing on the benches. The little buggers nearly tripped up an elderly man and I don't fully think it was an accident.

I’m not saying I'm for hover-parents, because that can be annoying too, but there is a difference between letting a child go free to discover their own world safely (emphasis on ’safely’) and being totally unaware of what your child is doing because the responsible (using this word lightly) person something more important to do, like I don't know gab on their call phone. Sometimes the line is very fine, but yeah, there is a difference. Don't even get me started about kids left unattended in a vehicle!



























Ok, prehaps that last one was a little harsh... or was it?